


We Should Get Drunk More Often

by ThatBoringGuy



Category: South Park
Genre: College, Fake Marriage (But it's Actually Real)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-04 15:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5339147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatBoringGuy/pseuds/ThatBoringGuy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stan and Kyle get what they believe to be a fake marriage when they're in Vegas and very drunk. They find out that they're legally married but they keep getting given reasons to not get an annulment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Hangover

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just writing this one for a bit of fun and a laugh. This will contain Style and maybe others later on.

Stan really should stop getting drunk with Kyle.

When they were at Clyde Donovan's party when they were thirteen (how he managed to get alcohol there was beyond them), they kissed. Like, tonsil hockey kissing.

When they were at Bebe Stevens' party when they were fifteen, they lost their virginities to each other (Bebe had been pissed off that they had user her bedroom and locked her out). They carried on afterwards like they always had, despite some mud-slinging at them. Their comeback had been that best friends make the best lovers.

They had other rendezvous at other parties whilst drunk, Kyle once asked why he was always the one who woke up with a sore and sticky backside, Stan's reply was that since he was the star quarterback, he couldn't realistically be on bottom so Kyle was doing him a favour before adding 'your shits are easier so quit complaining'.

Stan rubbed his head, aged nineteen (eighteen in Kyle and Kenny's case), being in Las Vegas with fake IDs and your best friends at Christmas and quite a bit of money from jobs they worked in high school and that parents gave them as a graduation present didn't mesh well.

He'd fucked Kyle again, he probably should've expected that.

He got up with a lot of difficulty and walked over to his jeans, a piece of paper slipped out when he picked them up. He picked up the paper and read through it, it was a marriage license with his and Kyle's names on. He laughed loudly and stumbled back over to the best to shake his Super Best Friend.

"Don't talk to me," Kyle groaned, "I'm dead."

"We got one of those fake marriages," Stan chuckled, "We must have consummated it last night."

Kyle snickered, rolling over to face him, "How drunk were we?"

"Drunk enough to persuade Kenny and Cartman to be our witnesses."

Kyle laughed, "Now that we're married you had better get fucked more often."

"Sorry dude," Stan smirked, "Dat ass is too good to not get fucked."

"Let's get something to eat then," Kyle sat up, "I'm fucking starving."

* * *

Cartman and Kenny were already at a table in the hotel restaurant.

"You won't believe what happened last night," Stan said as he took a seat.

"What?" Kenny asked as he took a swig of his coffee.

"Stan and I got one of those fake marriage things," Kyle explained, "You two were witnesses apparently."

"Of course you two fags would get married!" Cartman laughed hysterically, "This is the best day of my life!"

"I'm getting food," Stan announced, he turned to Kyle, "You coming with?"

Kyle nodded and stood up to get to the buffet.

Kenny nudged Cartman, "Maybe we should leave the happy couple to their romantic breakfast."

Cartman laughed again, his eyes were beginning to tear up.

Stan and Kyle both returned with pancakes.

"These are really good," Stan said.

"We know," Kenny said, "Cartman ate half of the ones that were out after they had just been put out."

"Fatass," Kyle shook his head.

"Faggy Jew," Cartman retorted.

They didn't do much for that day until they were going home the day after.

* * *

"Hello boys!" Sheila smiled as Stan and Kyle took Kyle's suitcase into his house, the Marshes were over for coffee, "How was your trip?"

"It was great," Kyle said.

"I'm guessing you got drunk a few times," Randy laughed.

"What do you think?" Stan shrugged, Sheila glared but it wasn't the worst thing they'd done, "We ended up getting one of those fake marriages because of it."

"What, what, WHAT!"

"Yeah," Stan retrieved the license from his bag, "See?"

"Boys," Gerald frowned, "This marriage is completely legal, you are legally married."


	2. Oops

"So we're actually married?" Kyle asked, his jaw had dropped after hearing that bombshell.

Gerald nodded.

"What person thinks it's a good idea to sell wedding rings to two drunk teenagers?" Kyle yelled, kicking out at the side of the couch.

Stan looked at his hand, he didn't notice the ring there.

"Why are still wearing it?" Sharon asked.

Kyle floundered for a response, "It was part of the joke."

"It's okay dude," Stan laid a hand on his shoulder, "We'll just get an annulment, easy."

"Maybe you should hold off on that," Sheila said, "The apartment building you live in provides benefits to married couples such as lower rent fees."

"That's really good for us," Stan agreed, they were roommates and they lived in the same block of flats as Kenny and Cartman, who were also roommates and lived across the hall.

"How much is the rent reduced by?" Kyle asked.

"Half," Sheila replied.

"That's a lot."

All of the parents nodded.

"So then let's keep the marriage," Stan said, "Every bit of money we can get helps."

Kyle frowned, "Alright then, we'll keep it for now."

* * *

"Seriously?" Cartman laughed boisterously, "You're actually married? It wasn't fake?"

"Nope," Stan replied, popping the 'p' on the word, "We're married, I still can't believe it."

"You guys getting an annulment?" Kenny asked.

"Rent's cheaper if we don't," Kyle shrugged.

"Of course you would stay with him for that," Cartman smirked.

"Fuck you fatass! We all know that you're thinking of marrying Kenny for the same reason."

"AY! I'M NOT A FUCKING FAG LIKE YOU JEWBOY!"

"SAYS THE ONE WHO JACKED-OFF BEN AFFLECK!"

Stan shared a look with Kenny, "I should've known this would happen."

Kenny nodded back to him.

Kyle and Cartman continued to argue.

"This is quite funny though," Kenny said, "You even have the rings and everything."

Stan laughed, "I know."

"It was really just a matter of time though."

"How so?"

"Every time you guys get drunk you fuck," Kenny noted, "Even if one of you isn't drunk."

Stan chewed on the inside of his cheek, drunk Kyle (or just Kyle in general) definitely appealed to drunk Stan and the opposite was also true. There must be something that kept drawing them to each other's bed since they were fifteen.

Or there wasn't and he was just overthinking everything.

That was the more likely explanation. They were incredibly close and their drunken minds just mixed up platonic love for gay-love.

Maybe drunk Stan liked Kyle's fluency in three languages: English, Hebrew and Technobabble (he was majoring in Computer Sciences).

"I'm just waiting on you two having an epiphany."

"Of what?" Stan frowned.

"If I told you it wouldn't be an epiphany."

Stan just gave Kenny a disinterested look.

"At least you get cheaper rent."

"I don't know why our parents would prefer us to stay married instead of paying extra rent."

"South Park?"

Stan accepted that explanation, this was the town that was the target of Mecha-Streisand twice.

* * *

"Congratulations," The landlord smiled as they walked in after their trip home had finished.

"Thank you," Stan smiled, wrapping an arm around Kyle's waist and hugging him close.

"What are you doing?" Kyle muttered.

"Keeping up appearances," Stan whispered back, "If we've just got married then we should be in love."

Kyle nodded in realisation.

They were receiving congratulations from people they'd never met before for the whole week.

* * *

Now, in a small town like South Park where the weirdest fucking shit happens, everybody went to the same college after leaving high school (Kyle hypothesised that it was because everyone probably knew what happened in South Park and were scared beyond belief of how fucked up they could possibly be).

"I should have expected this," Bebe shrugged, "Considering you fucked in my bed and locked me out of my bedroom!"

She was still salty about that.

"We cleaned the sheets," Kyle grinned sheepishly.

"And you did such a bad job of it, I had to rewash them!"

"We were fifteen Bebe," Stan groaned, "Let it go, Jesus Christ."

"Leave me alone," Jesus said as he walked past, they still had no idea why he was there a week later.

"Why did you guys still ask other people out then?" Wendy asked.

"We couldn't have people catching on," Kyle said as if it was obvious.

"Yeah," Stan backed him up, "Jesus Christ."

"I said leave me alone!"

* * *

The landlord had been oddly kind for a landlord and got them a new double bed and removed the two single beds in their flat. They had shared the bed when having sleepovers at eighteen (because that obviously didn't fuel any rumours) so it wasn't much of an issue. They were thinking of turning the other bedroom into a work space so that they could easily do college work.

"I'm fucking exhausted dude," Kyle yawned as he walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Y'know," Stan smiled, "I don't think being married will be that bad."

"Why not?" Kyle stopped and furrowed his brow.

"Because we're best friends."

"Super Best Friends," Kyle corrected.

"Yeah… but anyway, we can just be us and not get wrapped up in girlfriends and shit."

Kyle thought about this, "I guess that's true, no one will complain about us spending so much time together."

"Exactly," Stan smiled.

"I can see what you're saying," Kyle agreed, "I guess it could be pretty fun."

Kyle yawned again, "I'm so fucking exhausted."

"Then come to bed," Stan said, "Just get to sleep."

Stan spooned up to him as he got into bed.

Because that would never fuel the fire.


	3. Ideas

"So I was at that party last night," Stan began.

Kyle hummed as he looked up from his book, removing his glasses.

"I couldn't get laid."

"Why not?"

Stan gave Kyle a ' _really?_ ' look, "I'm fucking married!"

"Oh shit yeah."

"Nice one Sherlock."

"Did you tell them it was an open marriage?"

"Yes! They said they were going to tell you that I was trying to cheat and that I should be fucking you!"

"Well you… could…"

That statement really knocked the wind out of Stan's sails, "What?"

"If we're horny, then why not?" Kyle said, he actually sounded quite nervous, "I mean… no one's going to want to help us cheat and it's not like we haven't had sex with each other before."

"Not with both of us sober."

"Still…"

"I think it's a good idea though," Stan admitted, "At least we'll actually get some action then."

"Not tonight," Kyle said, "I have a test tomorrow, but we can do it tomorrow night. I've been getting horny myself."

"Cool… yeah…"

* * *

_Stan woke up with a pounding head. This prevented him from having the fastest thought process in the world but he eventually registered that the bed he was in kinda wasn't his._

_He was also very naked, so he prayed to God that he'd scored. Fucking at fifteen was something to brag about. Fucking at fifteen also sounded like a TV show._

_He looked to his left to find his best friend, also very naked._

" _Wake up Kyle," Stan shook the Jew awake._

" _Fucking Christ," Kyle groaned, his voice hoarse "My head's pounding."_

_Kyle sat up and looked at Stan quizzically, "Why is my ass sticky?"_

" _Uh…"_

" _Hurts like a bitch too."_

" _Kyle…"_

" _What?"_

" _I think we might have fucked," Stan said as he settled back into the pillow._

" _Oh," Kyle didn't sound too worried, "That explains why I'm buck-naked."_

" _Last night was really gay wasn't it?"_

" _Anal intercourse with another man is pretty gay dude," Kyle deadpanned._

" _At least it's you of all people," Stan smiled, "You're my best friend and you always will be. I know that I can trust you to be cool about this."_

_Kyle smiled back, "Same to you dude."_

_They were interrupted by a loud pounding on the door._

" _Are you two quite done in there?" Bebe sounded pissed, "Because I'd like to sleep in my own bed!"_

_They rushed themselves dressed and opened the door to see Bebe looking pretty pissed off._

" _Sorry about that," Kyle rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly._

" _If you want, we can wash the sheets for you," Stan said, feeling a bit guilty._

" _Yes, please do," Bebe frowned._

" _Can you keep this whole thing quiet?" Kyle asked, "We'll get destroyed at school."_

" _I would if you weren't a fucking screamer," Bebe smirked at him, making Kyle blush "Seriously Kyle, we could hear you over the music which was turned up to full volume!"_

" _I wondered why my throat hurt."_

* * *

Stan smiled as he woke up, the conversation last night would conjure that dream. They'd laughed about it later that day after having gotten back to Kyle's place.

"What are you smiling about?" Kyle asked as he turned over, one eye still buried into the pillow.

"Just remembering what happened after we fucked the first time."

"It was pretty funny," Kyle grinned.

"See? Being married isn't so bad."

"I never said it was."

Unfortunately, Kyle had class and had to get up, so they couldn't joke around for the whole morning like they would on a Saturday in high school.

They were talking as they got to the door, the landlord was outside, when Kyle opened it.

"Kiss me goodbye," Stan whispered, "We've just got married remember?"

Kyle rolled his eyes and pressed his lips to Stan's, "See you later."

"Yeah, later."

The landlord was looking incredibly giddy, Stan was honestly finding it a bit creepy.

* * *

Stan was the one who had class the next day, so Kyle took the chance to go across the hall to Kenny and Cartman's place.

"How're you doing Kyle?" Kenny smiled.

"I think I love Stan!" Kyle blurted before clapping his hands to his mouth.

Kenny smirked, "I could tell from last night, you're quite a screamer."

Kyle blushed, feeling an immense feeling of déjà vu.

"It's about fucking time one of you guys realised," Kenny shrugged as he turned to look into the flat, "HEY CARTMAN! KYLE'S REALISED HE HAS A BONER FOR STAN!"

"IT'S ABOUT FUCKING TIME!" The reply came.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kyle frowned.

"You two have been fucking for years," Kenny explained, "Even if you're drunk, you don't fuck your best friend that many times."

Kyle folded his arms as he took a seat on the couch.

"You two have always been very touchy-feely."

"Well we're really close."

"You look at him like a lovesick puppy."

"No I don't!" Kyle glared, "Do I?"

"Sorry Jewboy," Cartman said as he walked into the room, "Kenny's right."

"Do you think he knows?"

"The only person who doesn't know that you want Stan to fuck you into the floor for eternity is Stan."

Kyle sighed, "Good."

"You have to tell him," Kenny frowned, feeling sorry for the Jew.

"No," Kyle shook his head, "I can  _never_ tell him."

"How fucking cliché," Cartman sighed.

"He'll hate me and think I'm disgusting, we're getting an annulment after college anyway and as much as I actually want to stay married, I'd much rather have him as my best friend."

"Fucking Christ Jewfag!" Cartman huffed, "No one fucks their best friend sober if they don't want to do it forever! STANLEY MARSH IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

Kyle pulled his ushanka off and ran his hand through his hair, "You really think so?"

"You were so fucking loud last night," Cartman rubbed a hand across his forehead, "He was loud too when he fucking came."

"We both agreed it was the best sex we've ever had."

"That's because sex is always better with feelings," Kenny said.

"You guys really think Stan likes me?"

Kenny walked over and laid a hand on Kyle's shoulder, "He probably doesn't realise it, but he definitely does. Talk to him, this is Stan we're talking about. Even if he doesn't love you in a gay way, he loves you as his best friend. He's never going to leave you like that, if he doesn't want it, you'll stay best friends."

"I'll speak to him," Kyle decided, "I just hope you guys are right."


	4. Truths

Stan's eyes snapped open as he groaned loudly and released inside the Jew who was currently beneath him.

Kyle was doing everything in his power to avoid eye contact, greens avoiding blues. What a time to let it slip! It was more like shout it out to the heavens but that wasn't important right now.

Stan  _knew_.

Stan could tell that it wasn't said the way it usually was. It was said with much more reverence and much more adoration. They had told each other that they had loved each other before and it was true, they were Super Best Friends and they occupied a special place in the other's heart.

Apparently Kyle held Stan in much more special place than Stan held him.

"I'm sorry," Kyle sighed, Stan had never heard him sound so broken.

Stan pulled out and watched Kyle curl in on himself, he lay beside him and spooned up to him.

"You can't help who you love," Stan said softly, "No matter what, you'll always be my Super Best Friend."

Kyle rolled over and hugged Stan close.

"I think I need to think all this over," Stan whispered.

Kyle nodded, "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for anything."

"I do," Kyle shook his head, "You've reacted in one of the best ways I could hope for. The only way it could be better if you reciprocated my feelings and was currently fucking my ass."

Stan laughed.

Kyle smiled back at him.

"Do you want to end all of this?" Stan asked.

"No, I kinda want to live my dream for a little while longer."

Stan bit his bottom lip and tightened his grip on Kyle, he was feeling oddly protective of his best friend, even though he knew that Kyle could take care of himself. Stan was suddenly feeling scared, if he didn't feel that way for the Jew then Kyle would be crushed and Stan knew that he'd feel guilty about it. They get past it sure (they did make it past Stan holding a loaded gun to Kyle's head to avoid being revealed as the one who took a shit in the urinal), but things would probably never be the same between them.

At the same time, Stan would never get with Kyle if he didn't feel anything for him, he wouldn't get his hopes up to dash them later if he didn't develop any feelings. He wouldn't string Kyle along like that.

Stan decided it was best to sleep and think about it in the morning.

* * *

"Oh, hey Stan," Kenny said as he opened the door.

"Hey Ken," Stan sighed.

Kenny smiled, "Why don't you come in and tell Grandpa Kenny what's wrong?"

Stan followed Kenny to the living room and sat on the couch heavily.

"What's happened?" Kenny asked.

"Kyle said that he loves me in the gay way," Stan replied.

"I heard," Kenny said, "You guys are pretty loud in the sack."

Stan blushed, "I don't know what to do."

"Well then let's go through it," Kenny nodded, "How do you feel about him?"

"He's my best friend, without a shadow of a doubt," Stan explained with a certain fondness that he reserved for the Jew, "He the one person I always see in my future, no matter what he's doing in that future. He's the one I lost my virginity to and the person I trust most out of anyone. He's the one I always talk to when I'm upset and he knows me better than I myself. He's the only person in my live who I can't live without."

Kenny looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"That sounded really gay didn't it?"

Kenny nodded.

"He is really good in the sack."

"Nice ass?"

"Very nice ass."

"From what you just said," Kenny said, "I don't think Kyle's just your Super Best friend."

"The fact that he has a nice ass is common knowledge."

"Before that."

"Oh."

"Be honest with me Stan," Kenny sat next to his friend and laid a hand on his shoulder, "Am I right? Is Kyle more to you?"

Stan sighed loudly and refused to meet Kenny's eyes.

"Kyle told me when he realised his feelings for you, you can do the same."

"Fine," Stan ran a hand across his face, "I like Kyle. Happy now?"

"How much?"

"A lot. I fucking love the guy."

"There's someone you have to tell."

"I know. It's just when to bring it up."

* * *

As it happened, Stan wasn't given a chance to bring it up. Outside they kept up appearances of the young couple in love and was incredibly excited to be married. Back in the flat, Kyle was very avoidant. Whenever they were in the same room, Kyle would walk out. He slept on the couch and it was starting to piss Stan off.

So he did what any normal person would do and corner him in the bedroom, blocking the door out.

"Why are you avoiding me?" Stan asked bluntly.

"I'm not," Kyle said, "Now move, I have shit to do."

"Not until I find out why you won't stay in the same room as me."

"Maybe I'm giving you some fucking space to think like you fucking said!"

Stan frowned, "I never told you that I needed space, I still want my best fucking friend!"

Stan walked over to where Kyle was sat on the bed.

"Why bother thinking? Why not just reject me now and put me out of my misery?" Kyle yelled.

Stan grabbed Kyle's face pulled him in for a forceful kiss, he forced his tongue into Kyle's mouth and battled Kyle's tongue for dominance. They pulled apart after forgetting that they could breathe through their noses and running out of air.

"That's why I'm not rejecting you," Stan panted.

"Uh…" Kyle just looked at him dazedly.

"I love you Kyle, in the super duper gay way.

Kyle's dazed look faded into a smile, "I love you too, in the super gay way."

Stan grinned, "Will you be my boyfriend?"

"No."

Stan raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"I'm already your husband."


	5. Less of an Act

It was Stan and Kyle's first day as real husbands. After Stan's confession they had spent the night fucking like any couple would. Neither of them had a class so they slept late, wrapped up around each other. Kyle rolled over slightly and hummed with contentment.

Kyle woke up first and smiled at his position and the events of the previous night.

Stan said that he loved  _him_.

South Park's golden boy, the star quarterback, the one girls threw themselves at chose  _him._

Stan chose the scrawny, pale, short, freckly, glasses-wearing diabetic Jew over someone clearly better (meaning everyone but Cartman). The only thing anyone really liked about was his backside and the colour of his eyes (a bright green), people only knew him as 'Stan's best friend' or 'that nerdy Jew' back in high school. None of that mattered right now.

Because Stan chose  _him_.

That alone was enough to give him the widest smile he'd ever had.

At that moment, Stan had his arms wrapped around him and his chin resting on top of Jew-fro. His chest was flush against Kyle's back and he still hadn't pulled out after the three rounds they'd fucked last night.

Kyle felt like he'd finally come home.

It had taken him a while to realise his feelings for Stan, but now he knew that they had always been there. It had just taken him a while to separate them from his platonic feelings.

Kyle shuffled as far back into Stan's body as he could. They both had morning wood and Kyle was just waiting for Stan to wake up and pick up from where they had left off last night.

Screw waiting, he shook Stan awake and said to pound him so hard that he couldn't walk.

* * *

After Stan complied with Kyle's wishes they fell asleep again, woken by a knock on the door.

"You get it," They groaned in unison, tightening their grips on each other.

Eventually, Stan pulled on some boxers and answered the door, where Kenny was waiting.

"Is this a bad time?" Kenny smirked.

"Wait on the couch and just let me get dressed," Stan yawned.

Kenny smiled as he followed Stan into the flat.

Stan walked into the bedroom where Kyle was still lying in bed, but Stan could tell that he was awake.

"Get up," He said as he threw some boxers at the redhead, "Kenny's here."

Kyle groaned as he forced himself to sit up, grabbing the boxers from where they'd landed after hitting him, "Fine."

"Would you be interested in going out tonight?" Stan asked him as they dressed.

"Going out?" Kyle looked at him and blinked, "Like a date?"

Stan nodded, a faint blush spreading to his cheeks.

"Yeah," Kyle grinned, "Of course."

Stan returned the grin and nodded before walking out to see Kenny.

"Did you sneak another quickie while you were talking to him?" Kenny smirked.

"Yeah right," Kyle was limping as he left the bedroom, rolling his eyes as he did so.

"You've got a bit of a limp there Kyle," Kenny's smirk grew.

"Well Stan has a lethal weapon and he knows how to use it."

Kyle left to go to the kitchen, obviously to get food.

"He's saying you're a good fuck," Kenny whispered.

"I know," Stan hissed, the blush from before returning, deeper than before.

"He's also saying that you have a big dick."

"What brings you here Kenny?" Stan sighed, fed up with the conversation topic.

"I just came to see whether you sucked it up and told him."

"Yeah I did. We're going on a date tonight."

"What are you doing?"

"Yeah," Kyle added as he walked in with a plate of toast, "What are we doing?"

Stan shrugged as he stole some toast from his husband, "I just thought we could hang out, just be us."

Kyle smiled, "I'd like that."

* * *

They were just walking around looking for something to do. They were still having fun, talking about random shit like they usually did. They walked past a bank when a man in a black and white-striped shirt ran out holding two bags. He thrust one into Stan's arms.

"What?" Stan looked at Kyle in shock.

"Oh fuck," Kyle groaned when he heard a police siren.

* * *

That was why they were currently locked in a holding cell in the police station.

"Well this a fucking good first date!" Stan frowned.

Kyle grinned at him, "At least we'll always remember it. Not everyone can say that they spent their first date in a police station, you have to admit that it's one hell of a story to tell people."

Stan shot him a glare from his position on the bed.

Kyle walked over and sat next to him, "I don't care dude, I'm still having fun."

"How?"

"It isn't obvious?"

Stan shook his head.

"Because I'm spending time with you."

"That's so fucking corny dude," Stan shook his head.

"Maybe so," Kyle laughed, "But it's true."

Kyle pulled Stan into a kiss. Stan reciprocated eagerly, grabbing Kyle's shirt and yanking him closer.

"Yeah," Stan smiled, "I agree."

Kyle crashed their lips back together, partly because he wanted to savour his time with Stan, partly because there wasn't much else to do.

They only parted when they heard someone clear their throat, they turned to see a police officer standing by the cell.

"Your story checks out," The police officer said as he unlocked the cell, "You're free to go."

* * *

It was dark out when they left the police station, Stan searched out Kyle's hand and intertwined their fingers.

"You were right," Stan said, "I did enjoy myself."

"If anything," Kyle shrugged, "This whole experience will only bring us closer."

Stan chuckled, "Yeah, definitely."

Stan pulled Kyle into a kiss as it began to rain.

"How cliché," Kyle shook his head.

Stan pulled him into another kiss as the rain got heavier, Kyle shivered when they pulled apart so Stan wrapped his jacket around him.

"It's what they do in the movies," Stan smiled sheepishly.

Kyle laughed, giving Stan a playful whack on the shoulder.


	6. Coming Out (Kinda)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the penultimate chapter, unless people want a lemon for the last chapter.

"Do you think they'll be okay with it?" Kyle asked as they packed a suitcase, they were going back to South Park for Easter, or rather, Stan was going back for Easter and Kyle was just tagging along.

"They wanted us to stay married," Stan shrugged as he packed a pile of T-shirts, "I don't know how they can tell us to stay married and have a problem with us being gay."

Kyle shrugged, "Your Dad is fucking retarded."

"Yours is too," Stan sighed.

"Yeah I know."

"And our moms were the ones who wanted us to stay married."

"True."

"And my Dad is trying hard to be PC."

Kyle shrugged, "Let's just have some faith in them."

Stan nodded in agreement, "How bad can they be?"

* * *

"So how are you fags going to tell your parents that you're fags and not to disown you?" Cartman asked as he kicked the back of Kyle's seat.

"They won't disown us fatass," Kyle frowned, but Stan could see the slight worry in his eyes, "They were ones who told us to stay married."

"Besides," Stan added, "We're both nineteen…"

"Kyle's eighteen," Kenny interrupted.

"Nineteen in a week," Kyle retorted.

"… So we're legally adults and they can't do anything about it. We're just going to tell them straight, no beating around the bush."

"I bet Craig does that with his mom," Cartman snickered, causing Kenny to chuckle.

"Why are we friends with that asshole?" Kyle asked Stan quietly so Cartman couldn't hear.

"Because we like asshole?" Stan suggested, "I fuck yours a lot."

"That doesn't work because I've never fucked you."

"Well he's a dick and you like dick."

"Only your dick and he's not your dick."

"Well I only like your asshole."

"So why do we hang out with him?" Kyle reiterated.

"I got nothing dude."

* * *

After dropping Kenny off and kicking Cartman out of the car, they drove to Kyle's house. Because a lot of people from South Park went to the same college as them, they were both staying at Kyle's like a regular married couple would, as such both sets of parents were waiting inside.

"Hello boys," Sharon smiled as they walked in.

"Hey mom," Stan gave his mother a hug as Sheila walked in from the kitchen and began to smother Kyle.

"We have news," Kyle said.

"What news?" Sheila asked.

"Kyle and I have decided to try out a real relationship," Stan explained, "You know, because we're already married."

"Wait," Randy looked confused, "You two aren't already together?"

"Huh?" Kyle asked intelligently.

"You thought we were already together?" Stan looked just as confused as his father.

"Well you two have always been different," Gerald said.

"And Kyle isn't exactly quiet," Sheila glared at her son, making Kyle blush at what she clearly meant.

"We thought you said that you were drunk when you got married as an excuse because you weren't ready to come out," Sharon explained, "We thought that you'd actually eloped."

"What?" Kyle came to his senses, "No! We actually got married because we were drunk and we hadn't been together until about three months ago."

"Well then it's obvious what we need to do," Sheila smiled.

"What?" Stan and Kyle asked in unison.

"Give you an actual wedding!"

"Oh no," Again in unison.

"Oh yes," Sharon looked giddy, "That sounds like a great idea."

"What have we done?" Stan murmured to his husband.

"I don't know," Kyle replied, looking downright terrified, "I really don't know."

* * *

Cartman laughed hysterically, drawing a lot of stares from people around the bar.

"It really isn't funny," Kyle frowned.

"Yes it is!" Kenny was laughing just as hard.

"Lemme get this straight," Cartman said as he started to calm down, "You told your parents that you had boners for each other?"

"It wasn't quite worded like that but yes," Kyle nodded.

"And they said that they thought you'd been together for years because you've always been so close and because Kyle's a screamer in bed?"

Stan nodded, "That's what they said."

"So now they're throwing you a wedding to make this whole thing official?"

Stan and Kyle both nodded together.

Cartman began laughing hysterically again and Kenny started again after trying to hold it back.

"I knew this was a bad idea," Kyle face-palmed.

"I thought you loved me!" Stan looked offended.

"Not that, being with you is fucking awesome. I meant telling these two assmasters about what happened!"

"Stan's the assmaster!" Kenny laughed.

"Because he's the master of Jewboy's ass!" Cartman chortled.

Kyle motioned to the bartender, "Give the strongest shit you have… and a fresca."

Stan asked for the same, just without the fresca. Both of them had the same aim that night.

Get absolutely, positively, shit-faced drunk.

* * *

Kyle staggered downstairs with the worst hangover he'd ever had in his life. He walked into the kitchen to get some food and his mother was waiting there for him.

"How did Kenny and Eric take it?" She asked.

"Kenny was happy," He was… in a way, Kyle supposed, "Cartman was just the devil like usual."

"Kyle," Sheila scolded, "What have I told you about calling Eric the devil?"

"That it's offensive to the devil."

"Good boy."

Kyle shook his head at being treated like a child and then put an hand to his head as the slight motion of shaking his head really fucking hurt.

"You and Stanley were excited last night," Sheila said.

If you were thinking that Kyle  _hadn't_ woken up in Stan's arm after a night of getting drunkenly butt-fucked then you're really fucking retarded. Of course he had, who did he look like? Wendy?

"Yeah…" Kyle wasn't quite sure what to say.

"You two must be really excited for this wedding!" Sheila smiled.

"Yeah," Kyle decided play along, he was just going to go back to bed. This kind of shit was too much at… he checked the clock quickly.

3:30 in the afternoon.

"We'll all help you as much as you need, but you need to make the big decisions. After all, it is your wedding!"

Kyle made up a bullshit excuse to excuse himself and went back upstairs, stripping down because Stan was naked and climbing into bed with him.

What had they got themselves into?


	7. Actually Official (Even Though it Already Was)

Jesus Fucking Christ, Sheila Broflovski knew how to get shit done.

It was only three months since Stan and Kyle came out to their parents and already they were at their own wedding (which Sharon and Sheila had forced Randy to pay for with his leftover money from being Lorde).

Kyle frowned as he adjusted his bowtie, he fucking hated this tuxedo. They didn't need the wedding, they already had rings and they were already married.

So why the fuck were they here?

Kenny, fucking Kenny, the biggest whore in the fucking world had gotten ordained for the ceremony. Cartman was Stan's best man and Ike was Kyle's, Kyle's best man was originally going to be Kenny, before the whole 'getting ordained for the ceremony' thing came up.

"We can't find Kenny," Ike said.

Kyle shrugged, "He's probably fucking someone. Don't worry, he'll make it."

"You sure?"

"Kenny might be a whore, but he'll be there for his friends."

* * *

"Why did you agree to be my best man again?" Stan asked as he played on his phone.

"You needed a best man," Cartman shrugged, "How could you have a wedding without a best man?"

"Seriously," Stan raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Mahm paid me to when I got asked by you," Cartman admitted, "She said that if I was nice about it she'd buy me ice-cream."

"Fatass."

"AY!"

* * *

"I'm so proud of you bubbelah!" Sheila said, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief, "Stanley will be a very good husband for you."

"He already is," Kyle replied.

"I just can't believe you're getting married properly!" Sheila squealed.

"You believed it when you came up with the idea."

"Don't be such a smartass Kyle," Gerald said, "We're the ones paying for your wedding."

Kyle thought it best not to comment on the fact that he and Stan were perfectly content just being married without a wedding.

* * *

"You don't seem too nervous Stan," Sharon noted, "I would've thought you'd be a bit nervous, this is a very big day."

"I'm not nervous," Stan agreed, "But that's because I know that no matter what happens, Kyle isn't going to get pissed off or leave me over it. He's still going to be my husband, no matter what."

"But aren't you worried that something's going to go wrong?" Randy asked.

Stan shook his head, "I don't care, I'm just spending a day with my favourite person in the world. How can I ask for anything more?"

Randy leaned over to whisper in Sharon's ear, "What happened to turn our son so gay?"

Sharon shrugged.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Ike yelled when he saw Kenny, "We're starting in an hour!"

"Russian girl," Kenny explained, "Fucking wild, best mouth I've ever felt. First time I've ever done a donkey punch and a superman."

Ike looked horrified, "What's a superman?

Kenny grinned, "It's when you pull out when you're about to cum and you jizz all over her back and…

"Just go and get ready!" Ike visibly flinched at Kenny's explanation, so he cut him off because he was unable to stomach any more.

* * *

Kyle pulled out his phone, sending a text to his husband.

_Ma's losing her shit, can't wait for this to be over._

The reply was instant.

_Leave her be, she just wants you to have a great wedding._

_I didn't want the wedding in the first place. And neither did you._

_Well then just make the best of it._

_Fine._

_We'll start a food fight with the cake if you want._

Kyle's lips curved into a smile as he typed back.

_Sweet_.

* * *

"Who are you texting?" Cartman asked.

"Kyle," Stan replied easily.

"Aren't you like, not meant to do that?"

"We're not supposed to see each other, we're allowed to text," Stan shrugged as he typed in a message,  _I can't wait to get you out of that tux tonight._

"What are you talking about?" Cartman asked, trying to lean over and read the conversation.

"Why do you care?" Stan retorted, moving his phone away as Kyle replied with  _Neither can I, I need your dick to stretch out my tight little ass._

"I'm your best man."

"We're talking about gay stuff."

"Oh," Cartman frowned, "Fuck it then."

* * *

"We are here to celebrate these two gaywads getting married even though they are already married," Kenny said, despite Sheila's glare.

Stan and Kyle stood with hands joined at the altar like a normal couple about to get married. They were only having a small ceremony because they had already told most of people who they would have invited the original cover story. In fact, it was only the Marshes, the Broflovskis, the Cartmans (all two of them) and the McCormicks.

Oh, and Butters, he was the flower girl.

"There will be no exchanging of vows because these two are already married and they already have. I was a witness and it was incredibly cute, drunk and gay."

Sheila's frown deepened.

"Stanley Randall Marsh," Kenny turned to the man in question, "Do you take Kyle Isaiah Broflovski to be your lawfully wedded butt-buddy… I mean husband?"

"I do," Stan replied, not taking his eyes off Kyle.

"Kyle Isaiah Broflovski," Kenny turned to Kyle, "Do you take…"

"Am I still here?" Kyle interrupted with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes," Kenny nodded.

"Then my answer should be obvious."

"Just say it so we can all go home," Cartman yelled from his position.

"Fine," Kyle rolled his eyes, "I do."

Stan burst out laughing, "Can I kiss him now?"

"Kiss him," Kenny nodded, "I now pronounce you still the gayest best friends I'll probably ever have."

Stan grabbed the sides of Kyle's face and crashed their lips together, their tongues tangled in a display of passion.

"I've been waiting all day for that," Stan chuckled as they broke apart.

"Me too," Kyle agreed, pecking Stan's lips quickly, "Now let's get this reception over with so we can go back to the hotel room and fuck the night away."

Stan couldn't agree more, they'd spend the night and many nights after between the sheets.

Neither could be happier.


	8. Ending in Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter of We Should Get Drunk More Often and it's Stan and Kyle's wedding night. This is a lemon and it is probably very disappointing, lemons are not my forte. Can you guys please leave some advice on how I can improve? It will make future lemons better.

"You just had to carry me in didn't you?" Kyle said as Stan carried him over the threshold and into the hotel room.

"Yep," Stan replied as Kyle pushed the room key into the slot.

Stan continued to carry him over to the bed, where he dropped Kyle and joined him on the bed.

"You couldn't just lay me down?"

Stan shook his head as he brought their lips together, he slid Kyle's blazer from his shoulders and moved his hands to undo the redhead's bowtie and knock his ushanka off. He deepened the kiss as he rolled them over, himself on top.

Stan broke the kiss as he unbuttoned Kyle's shirt, pressing his lips to the Jew's neck and gently sucking. He could hear Kyle sigh softly and he smiled as he admired the lovebite that he left behind.

He threw the shirt away, uncaring of where it landed and immediately went for Kyle's belt, unbuckling it and yanking it from the belt loops on Kyle's trousers.

"Jesus Stan," Kyle chuckled, "Calm down."

"I've been so horny since this morning," Stan admitted, "I woke up expecting morning sex and realised that your mom had kidnapped you the night before."

"She didn't kidnap me but I see your point."

Stan pulled Kyle's trousers and his boxers down his legs before moving back up to his hardening member. Stan smiled up at his husband before ghosting his lip across the tip.

"Don't you dare fucking tease me," Kyle growled.

"Why not?" Stan smirked, "I only want to drag out our wedding night as long as possible."

"If you hold out on me we won't have a wedding night."

Stan smiled before enveloping Kyle's tip with his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip and drawing a low moan from his husband. He wrapped his hand around the base of Kyle's cock and began to slowly pump as he sucked.

Kyle let his hands run to the back of Stan's head as he instinctively bucked his hips. Stan noticed and held Kyle's hips down, allowing him to stay in control.

"Stop Stan," Kyle breathed, "I'm gonna cum."

Stan pulled off before Kyle was able to climax and Kyle instantly began to remove Stan's clothes. When Stan was completely unclothed, Kyle pulled him back down and kissed him hard.

"Let me get the lube," Stan breathed, getting up and going to his trousers. He fished the small bottle from the pocket and squirted some onto his fingers before returning to Kyle.

Stan kissed Kyle deeply as he reached down and below Kyle's balls to his hole, rubbing it gently to relax it before pushing a finger in. He swirled his finger around a few times and then added another finger. He spread his fingers out to prepare his husband suitably before pushing his fingers in as far as he could to reach the redhead's prostate, making Kyle moan into the kiss as he rubbed the bundle of nerves.

"Stan," Kyle whined, "Please."

Stan pulled his fingers out and squirted more lube into his palm to rub over himself, he guided his cock to Kyle's entrance and pushed in, drawing a long, satisfied moan from his husband as entered inch by inch until he was buried to the hilt.

"I love you so much," Stan breathed, pressing kisses all over Kyle's face, "You're so fucking beautiful."

"I love you too," Kyle whispered back as he wrapped his legs around Stan's waist and his arms around his waist, "You're so fucking hot."

Stan pulled half of his length out before pushing back in slowly, bringing a moan from Kyle. It wasn't going to be one of the furious fucks they were used to, they were making love tonight. Stan joined his lips to Kyle's, kissing him tenderly as he thrust against the Jew's prostate. Stan broke away from his husband's lips and moved down to suck on Kyle's neck, the sound of Kyle's moans spurring him on and bathing them both in ecstasy.

Kyle removed one of his arms to move down to his own cock but Stan gripped his wrist and moved it back to his neck.

"Let me make you feel good," Stan whispered in Kyle's ear, gently sucking on his earlobe. He squirted some lube into his palm and gripped Kyle's cock gently, stroking it in time with his thrusts and making Kyle moan his name.

"You sound amazing and you feel amazing," Stan was in complete awe, "You look amazing and you are amazing Kyle. I'm so lucky to have you in my arms, in my bed and as my own."

Kyle was about to reply, but it was lost in a moan as Stan hit his prostate again. He instead replied with, "Stan, I'm gonna…"

"Do it," Stan kissed him quickly, "Let me know what I do to you."

Kyle moaned loudly and released over Stan's hand, hitting his own chest and Stan's. His arse tightened with his orgasm and the feelings and sounds pushed Stan over the edge and he came into Kyle with a loud groan. He kissed the redhead deeply as he continued to thrust to milk himself of everything he had.

"Fuck, we need to clean up," Kyle panted.

"Why?" Stan laughed, "We're not done yet."

Kyle smiled at him and kissed him gently as Stan rolled off him. He noticed something on the dresser and pointed it out.

"What's that?"

Stan got up and walked over, it was an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne and two glasses, there was a note at the side of it.

_Hope you enjoy your private celebration!_

_From Kenny and Eric_

_P.S. I knew you two were fags all along! Na na na na na na ha ha ha ha ha ha!_

Stan laughed at Kyle's sigh of disbelief as he read the message out loud, he popped the cork in the champagne bottle and poured some into the two glasses, taking them and the bottle back to the bed. He handed a glass to Kyle and set the bottle on the bedside cabinet.

"I've never had champagne before," Stan said as he wrapped an arm around his husband and pulled him close.

"Well I know how much you love your cheap beer," Kyle replied.

"Not as much as I love you though," Stan smiled.

"Oh God," Kyle mock-groaned, but a grin was on his face, "I'm going to be stuck with this for the rest of my life aren't I?"

Stan chuckled, "Damn right you are."

"It's amazing how all this started with getting drunk," Kyle said as he laid his head on Stan's shoulder, pointing up at a shirt hanging from the ceiling fan.

Stan laughed as nodded in agreement, "We should get drunk more often then."


End file.
